[ a turn has been taken. perhaps it's for the best -- she can spool down that part of her mind that had stayed busy frantically defending itself from admitting feelings. with this, at least, she can slip back some semblance of what's official. ]
I take it you're not talking about the sort of thing happens merely in the line of duty.
[ because peggy does compartmentalize these things. many might disagree with her, but she doesn't count the enemy combatants she's killed in the field as people she's murdered. ]
We had him detained. He was helpless. So I cut off his oxygen supply.
[It is official, in a lot of ways. This is a confession, one that he'll never be able to admit to others. He's never been court martialed. Given the way Coulson's been behaving at home, he probably never will be.
This is a confession.]
I wanted him to feel what he'd done to me. I wanted to make him suffer.
[ -- now it's her turn to struggle with doing much more than picking at her food. christ alive. no wonder, then, that he should look on what happened yesterday as though it was more of a success than a slight.
peggy reaches for a drink of water. her next question needs to be a careful one, she thinks, or she'll send him running off in shame. she thinks about the sorts of things dottie underwood was trained to endure. she thinks about thompson and dooley. she thinks about their tag-team act -- the carrot and the stick.
she swallows a mouthful. then, in an even tone: ] Did it do you any good?
[ given his condition, she suspects there was no way in hell he should have been anywhere near an interrogation -- let alone one to whom he had a personal reason to resent. ]
You didn't quite answer my question, Agent Fitz.
[ sharpish, yes. but in times like these an agency man often requires something sharpish to prod him back into shape. ]
You know, it's rather odd. We're sitting on opposite ends of the same problem. [ it would be worth a laugh if it wasn't so sad. ] I find myself wondering, quite often, whether it did me any good to spring an enemy mole out of prison.
A Russian operative. The girl who lived next to me in a rather strict little lodging house. [ peggy takes a good hearty bite of her club sandwich. much as his words had been a confession, so are hers. she's told no one this story. it's been locked up in her head ever since she arrived -- hard upon the heels of that failure. ]
And I never once suspected her. Not until it was too late -- and then, knowing every bit of her wickedness first-hand -- hubris had me breaking her out of an SSR prison. Oh...just about twenty-four hours before I turned up here.
Injuries make us behave quite unlike ourselves. [ like reminders of one's own mortality. ] You'll recall the gut wound from which I was recovering from when we first met?
Perhaps. [ peggy chews through another bite. ] But, after nearly a year here, I do believe I regret taking that particular option.
I was too wounded to go into the field. The SSR's resources weren't available to me. At the time, I thought coercing her, turning her into an asset, was my best shot. I was wrong.
[ and now she wonders whether fitz, too, believes he was wrong -- over on his opposite end of the problem. ]
[He chews on his bottom lip. What would Mum say? How would she handle the cards they've both been dealt?]
I don't believe that anyone is born evil. We make choices. There are choices to confront every day. We choose to give chances to others. We choose how to respond to the chances we're given.
She chose to be a monster. You gave her the option to change.
[That's the sort of thing his mum would want him to believe. It doesn't feel as genuine as he wants it to.]
[ all very adult. all very thoughtful. and if he's wrong, he's still wrong in the right direction -- the one that offers an olive branch to someone who likely never had many ever extended to her.
peggy's expression crinkles. ]
I'm afraid choice was likely never a ruling factor in this operative's life. [ and perhaps that's why peggy thought she could turn the situation around, no matter how little she trusted dottie underwood. ] Her handlers made certain of it. She was trained up from a terribly young age. I saw the facility, or one like it, with my own eyes.
[ that said! ]
You're still right to say it's difficult. And, indeed, to remind us both that no one is born evil.
The Russians were fond of facilities like that. Still are, really. We don't know if there are any other victims of the Winter Soldier program, or the Black Widows. Seems like there's always some new facility after we think we've done them all in.
[Is there ever going to be an end to it? What's the point?]
We have no way of knowing how many are left. Or -- if there are ways, I've not had access to the details. There's much mystery remaining, even considering what we've learned from a defector.
[ but she's doing it again -- asking question in that way she's got, a way that might possibly have become familiar, wherein peggy's only asking for details to confirm some other faint and half-conceived hypothesis. a look in her eye when she think she's got the scent of something.
it's just -- she ran into romanoff as a child, didn't she? and something had struck her then but never deep enough to make her dwell on it. ]
[He makes eye contact then, struggling with the morality inherent in what Peggy's asking. She wants him to unmask Agent Romanoff.
He thinks of when he first arrived, when she'd invite him for coffee and listen to his problems. When he'd struggled to recover from a bad event and she invited him to lean on her while he drank too much. When she welcomed him simply because he'd been one of Coulson's.
She left, and came back disinterested, aloof. She had her own problems.
But this time around, she'd been willing to collaborate. She saved him from drowning under the weight of his insecurities when the shadow-creatures attacked. She thought he was worth saving. She thinks his life matters.
Moreover, she's Agent Romanoff. She's not one of them anymore.
It should be her choice. And that means he should stop offering information that isn't his.]
Next to nothing, ma'am. Truth be told, I've already told you everything I know.
[ he's lying. and, worse yet, she can't even fault him this time -- not considering the careful and specific way she's picked through rip's story. loyalty is a slippery thing until it's earned. and peggy has to remind herself that it's no shortcoming of his if he feels its pulls. ]
I see. [ she allows him his dodge, but there'll be no pretending she doesn't know it. ] I suppose I could ask the Black Widow myself.
Hopefully you'll find her more amenable to questioning when you've returned home.
[ this lie feels smoother than the one before. He's committed to this small protection, and slotted Peggy into a particular place. He hopes this won't end in a coverup. ]
Oh, I'm not talking about her. [ the lie might be smoother, but peggy doesn't quite allow it to stand. ] I'm not even convinced she is one of those, but evidently you are.
[ her chin lifts. ] We don't have a name for the woman known to us as Dottie Underwood.
[ he might recognize the name, but it's not something he recognizes from the top of his head. He'd been hoping to deflect the topic away from the one in-house. ]
Is that so? Was there someone else you had in mind?
Fitz. [ does he believe, she wonders, that he's been her only source? peggy's attention narrows. ] I've been made acquainted with the codenames that make up the Avengers.
[ made up, she knows, but there's no reason to flaunt that particular past tense when she's well aware of what year he's from and what year the schism happens. she's been paying attention. she's got notes. she's done the math. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Jemma knows about it. She knows more than he does. He's the farthest one back, he thinks.
Should she know? Can she know? Is it even relevant?]
I nearly murdered Grant Ward.
no subject
I take it you're not talking about the sort of thing happens merely in the line of duty.
[ because peggy does compartmentalize these things. many might disagree with her, but she doesn't count the enemy combatants she's killed in the field as people she's murdered. ]
no subject
[It is official, in a lot of ways. This is a confession, one that he'll never be able to admit to others. He's never been court martialed. Given the way Coulson's been behaving at home, he probably never will be.
This is a confession.]
I wanted him to feel what he'd done to me. I wanted to make him suffer.
no subject
peggy reaches for a drink of water. her next question needs to be a careful one, she thinks, or she'll send him running off in shame. she thinks about the sorts of things dottie underwood was trained to endure. she thinks about thompson and dooley. she thinks about their tag-team act -- the carrot and the stick.
she swallows a mouthful. then, in an even tone: ] Did it do you any good?
no subject
[He wasn't strong enough to commit.]
He gave us some information we didn't have before. But I'm not sure -- they weren't telling me much in those days. I wasn't. I couldn't.
[He slouches down.]
You saw.
no subject
You didn't quite answer my question, Agent Fitz.
[ sharpish, yes. but in times like these an agency man often requires something sharpish to prod him back into shape. ]
no subject
I don't know, ma'am. Maybe. Used to spend a lot of time thinking about what I might've done for revenge before that.
[It's a lot easier to fantasize about a murder than it is to commit one.]
no subject
no subject
[He blinks up at her, startled out of his self-pity by her sudden admission. That one didn't make the biographies.]
no subject
And I never once suspected her. Not until it was too late -- and then, knowing every bit of her wickedness first-hand -- hubris had me breaking her out of an SSR prison. Oh...just about twenty-four hours before I turned up here.
Injuries make us behave quite unlike ourselves. [ like reminders of one's own mortality. ] You'll recall the gut wound from which I was recovering from when we first met?
no subject
[He stops short of saying that he understands. He doesn't understand. He'll never understand the logic in trusting a monster.]
Our director made a similar call, not very long ago. There may be options which I simply don't always see.
no subject
I was too wounded to go into the field. The SSR's resources weren't available to me. At the time, I thought coercing her, turning her into an asset, was my best shot. I was wrong.
[ and now she wonders whether fitz, too, believes he was wrong -- over on his opposite end of the problem. ]
no subject
[He chews on his bottom lip. What would Mum say? How would she handle the cards they've both been dealt?]
I don't believe that anyone is born evil. We make choices. There are choices to confront every day. We choose to give chances to others. We choose how to respond to the chances we're given.
She chose to be a monster. You gave her the option to change.
[That's the sort of thing his mum would want him to believe. It doesn't feel as genuine as he wants it to.]
no subject
peggy's expression crinkles. ]
I'm afraid choice was likely never a ruling factor in this operative's life. [ and perhaps that's why peggy thought she could turn the situation around, no matter how little she trusted dottie underwood. ] Her handlers made certain of it. She was trained up from a terribly young age. I saw the facility, or one like it, with my own eyes.
[ that said! ]
You're still right to say it's difficult. And, indeed, to remind us both that no one is born evil.
no subject
[Is there ever going to be an end to it? What's the point?]
no subject
[ this is news to peggy; she rather thought it was a singular code name. ]
no subject
We have no way of knowing how many are left. Or -- if there are ways, I've not had access to the details. There's much mystery remaining, even considering what we've learned from a defector.
no subject
[ but she's doing it again -- asking question in that way she's got, a way that might possibly have become familiar, wherein peggy's only asking for details to confirm some other faint and half-conceived hypothesis. a look in her eye when she think she's got the scent of something.
it's just -- she ran into romanoff as a child, didn't she? and something had struck her then but never deep enough to make her dwell on it. ]
no subject
He thinks of when he first arrived, when she'd invite him for coffee and listen to his problems. When he'd struggled to recover from a bad event and she invited him to lean on her while he drank too much. When she welcomed him simply because he'd been one of Coulson's.
She left, and came back disinterested, aloof. She had her own problems.
But this time around, she'd been willing to collaborate. She saved him from drowning under the weight of his insecurities when the shadow-creatures attacked. She thought he was worth saving. She thinks his life matters.
Moreover, she's Agent Romanoff. She's not one of them anymore.
It should be her choice. And that means he should stop offering information that isn't his.]
Next to nothing, ma'am. Truth be told, I've already told you everything I know.
no subject
I see. [ she allows him his dodge, but there'll be no pretending she doesn't know it. ] I suppose I could ask the Black Widow myself.
no subject
[ this lie feels smoother than the one before. He's committed to this small protection, and slotted Peggy into a particular place. He hopes this won't end in a coverup. ]
no subject
[ her chin lifts. ] We don't have a name for the woman known to us as Dottie Underwood.
no subject
Is that so? Was there someone else you had in mind?
no subject
[ made up, she knows, but there's no reason to flaunt that particular past tense when she's well aware of what year he's from and what year the schism happens. she's been paying attention. she's got notes. she's done the math. ]
It's Romanoff who calls herself Black Widow.
no subject
I.
[ he swallows. Oh. Is she introducing herself by title here? There could be any number of tiny edits he ought to make. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)