[He studies the way Klaus' hand burns and heals in moments. His healing ability is another in a long list of scientific curiosities Fitz had been meaning to discuss during their talks. They'd had so many talks, hadn't they? He'd been foolish and let his guard down. He's always foolish in that way. It's because he's stupid.
He accepts the plants quickly, as if he suspects Klaus might snatch them back. Is this a game? What if he's just being toyed with?]
The chemical composition is an irritant to you. Most likely an agent of the pollen or nectar. [He'll need to bring the samples to Jemma for analysis.] [His brows knit together as he considers the implications for strengthening neural fortitude.] Does it need to be ingested to be effective against compulsion?
[He pauses for a moment then, and doubles back to earlier in the explanation.]
And do you genuinely think I'd try to decapitate you? I'm not a monster, Klaus.
[ they have had many talks. talks not unlike this one: facts dealt by klaus with the surety of time and experience and fitz with the quaintness of his scientific queries and hypotheses. klaus cannot help it; even staring at the plants and then the bushel of blue and purple in leo's hands, he fights a smile. at another time with tea and the comfort of companionship between them, he might tease it is not pollen nor nectar that harms him but the simple and seeking balance of magics and nature.
it's inexplicable, no matter what answers he finds.
now, however, there is this. the ghost of his smile falls and dies and he avoids fitz's eyes. he cannot comprehend the question of whether he would believe leo might plot against him; he does not immediately seek to answer it.
(he does think it. he has experienced and brought on worse. leopold is not a monster, but he is.) with a slight, shuddering breath, he answers the original question, ] You can keep it on your person but it's wiser to ingest. It can't be taken from you.
[ the last is added on a lower note: because a vampire would, if they were so inclined. he certainly has and he doesn't want leo to not be protected, to not be able to buy himself time, if need be. he wants to protect leo from him. klaus turns away, the agitation of his emotions stirred, sadness and paranoia and bitterness mixing into a poisonous elixir.
after a few steps, he turns back. ] I don't know what to believe. [ just as leo doesn't. ]I am a monster, [ just as leo isn't ] and I know what poison a betrayal is. [ he knows what lengths they will drive even the purist person to go. ]
[The hair on the back of his neck rises when Klaus shifts his tone to a remorseful rumble. It makes him aware of the food chain and his status as prey. But though Klaus has seen him in the depths of his weakness, twitchy and easily frightened, he is almost uncharacteristically still now. In this, the breach of trust is most evident. Visible fear is a luxury not always available.]
[ visible fear isn't, but klaus need not see the unbridled and unguarded effects to know and feel its presence. to sense it. there is plenty to read in fitz's stillness, the beat of his heart, the scent of his sweat, and klaus' knowledge of him: fear, anger, pain. perhaps even shame, knowing he has been betrayed again.
that is all klaus feels as well, for his own reasons. he blinks at the unexpected question, the needle into the particulars. his breath is shaky as he pulls it in through his nose. he wonders, again, if this is a ploy to exploit secrets from him and not only intrigue and need for information.
perhaps it's a mix of intrigue and the lashing of pain both; klaus cannot imagine leo doesn't know the sharing of such personal details wears on him. perhaps he wants him to fear as well. ] Hope.
[ there is no rebuttal, no argument. what klaus owes fitz is the truth. with another and at a different time in his life he might do both: he might claim many if not all of his deeds are irredeemable. he might claim he has no interest nor remorse in so many of them, that despite his atrocities he carries no guilt and would do them all again if it led him here. he cannot change the past. he might mention elijah and parse what redemption could possibly mean and how he has never truly had the faith his family might've and still does.
it would not be a lie, but neither would it be the truth. the moment he heard his daughter's heartbeat, the moment he held that little girl in his arms, all he has ever wanted was to be worthy of her.
his voice strained and full, weighted under the truth he has only admitted to himself, he answers, ] Yes.
[ It's just a syllable, but a powerful one. The admission tells more
about the nature of Klaus' character than any other form of interrogation
might. It simplifies a number of complexities. ]
You called yourself a monster before. Monsters don't seek redemption.
[ That's as simple as it needs to be. Case closed. QED. ]
[ he's right, but it does not change what he is. it does not change the past or the uncertainty and mistakes; the choices and decisions of the present or the future. he may not be as monstrous as he was then, but he is still a monster now. he would still do terrible things; he knows he will. and he cannot change the past.
but the words touch him regardless; they worm inside and create bittersweet anguish where there had only been strained grief. they give him hope or at least the grateful opportunity to be redeemed in leo's eyes. klaus tempers it and moves forward a few paces. ] Yes, but monsters do what I have done, [ he means more than now ] and I have not seen a reason to seek redemption in centuries.
[ and that is the truth, but it is not the whole truth. ] But I meant it. [ that day in the kitchens. that bloody afternoon in the hut. this is the vulnerable secret he so rarely parts with, that even in his cruelty and machinations, what he truly wants is to be worthy of what he forces to be so. ] I meant for you to be safe with me. I meant to protect you when no one else would. I meant to be your friend. [ klaus works past the lump in his throat, weathers the fullness of feeling in his eyes, and offers leo his badge. ] I hope one day you can forgive me.
[He accepts the badge quietly, and takes a moment to return it to his place squirreled away. He breaks line of sight to do so, an unspoken gesture of trust. If Klaus would mean to do him harm, he would have done it already.]
Seems a rite of passage, that. I can't seem to manage any friendships that don't end up here in the end.
[Even Jemma betrayed him, once upon a time. He invites the pain.]
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no subject
He accepts the plants quickly, as if he suspects Klaus might snatch them back. Is this a game? What if he's just being toyed with?]
The chemical composition is an irritant to you. Most likely an agent of the pollen or nectar. [He'll need to bring the samples to Jemma for analysis.] [His brows knit together as he considers the implications for strengthening neural fortitude.] Does it need to be ingested to be effective against compulsion?
[He pauses for a moment then, and doubles back to earlier in the explanation.]
And do you genuinely think I'd try to decapitate you? I'm not a monster, Klaus.
no subject
it's inexplicable, no matter what answers he finds.
now, however, there is this. the ghost of his smile falls and dies and he avoids fitz's eyes. he cannot comprehend the question of whether he would believe leo might plot against him; he does not immediately seek to answer it.
(he does think it. he has experienced and brought on worse. leopold is not a monster, but he is.) with a slight, shuddering breath, he answers the original question, ] You can keep it on your person but it's wiser to ingest. It can't be taken from you.
[ the last is added on a lower note: because a vampire would, if they were so inclined. he certainly has and he doesn't want leo to not be protected, to not be able to buy himself time, if need be. he wants to protect leo from him. klaus turns away, the agitation of his emotions stirred, sadness and paranoia and bitterness mixing into a poisonous elixir.
after a few steps, he turns back. ] I don't know what to believe. [ just as leo doesn't. ] I am a monster, [ just as leo isn't ] and I know what poison a betrayal is. [ he knows what lengths they will drive even the purist person to go. ]
no subject
[The hair on the back of his neck rises when Klaus shifts his tone to a remorseful rumble. It makes him aware of the food chain and his status as prey. But though Klaus has seen him in the depths of his weakness, twitchy and easily frightened, he is almost uncharacteristically still now. In this, the breach of trust is most evident. Visible fear is a luxury not always available.]
Your daughter. She has a name, yeah?
no subject
that is all klaus feels as well, for his own reasons. he blinks at the unexpected question, the needle into the particulars. his breath is shaky as he pulls it in through his nose. he wonders, again, if this is a ploy to exploit secrets from him and not only intrigue and need for information.
perhaps it's a mix of intrigue and the lashing of pain both; klaus cannot imagine leo doesn't know the sharing of such personal details wears on him. perhaps he wants him to fear as well. ] Hope.
no subject
[ He pulls the edge of his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on the tender skin just short of drawing blood from it. ]
Because she's yours. You hope to be redeemed through her.
[ it's stated gently, with unspoken room for rebuttal if his theories prove invalid. ]
no subject
it would not be a lie, but neither would it be the truth. the moment he heard his daughter's heartbeat, the moment he held that little girl in his arms, all he has ever wanted was to be worthy of her.
his voice strained and full, weighted under the truth he has only admitted to himself, he answers, ] Yes.
no subject
[ It's just a syllable, but a powerful one. The admission tells more about the nature of Klaus' character than any other form of interrogation might. It simplifies a number of complexities. ]
You called yourself a monster before. Monsters don't seek redemption.
[ That's as simple as it needs to be. Case closed. QED. ]
no subject
but the words touch him regardless; they worm inside and create bittersweet anguish where there had only been strained grief. they give him hope or at least the grateful opportunity to be redeemed in leo's eyes. klaus tempers it and moves forward a few paces. ] Yes, but monsters do what I have done, [ he means more than now ] and I have not seen a reason to seek redemption in centuries.
[ and that is the truth, but it is not the whole truth. ] But I meant it. [ that day in the kitchens. that bloody afternoon in the hut. this is the vulnerable secret he so rarely parts with, that even in his cruelty and machinations, what he truly wants is to be worthy of what he forces to be so. ] I meant for you to be safe with me. I meant to protect you when no one else would. I meant to be your friend. [ klaus works past the lump in his throat, weathers the fullness of feeling in his eyes, and offers leo his badge. ] I hope one day you can forgive me.
no subject
Seems a rite of passage, that. I can't seem to manage any friendships that don't end up here in the end.
[Even Jemma betrayed him, once upon a time. He invites the pain.]
I think I need a bit of time. If you don't mind.