[Fitz's eyes brighten at the surprise guest. Klaus. Did he lose track of time? Was there tea today?]
Oh yes, we had the most interesting chat about what she knows from an outsider's perspective. She's got quite a lot of opinions about the compulsion issue -- shame about what was done to her, though.
[shame what was done to her. the sentiment and all its weight lays heaviness on klaus' shoulders; it's not the first twisted and warped justification he's heard from leo's lips but he knows now with dread it will be the last. his lips pull back and curl up into a grimace at what this and he has dealt them both: it is a shame. it's a shame what he did to camille, just as it's a monstrous shame he's done leo.
klaus moves forward and wordlessly takes the seat beside the desk, his fingers reaching to take his friend's wrist to draw his eyes. his pupils dilate and he says the words that will release him. ] My compulsions will have effect on you no longer. [ fear and relief and uncertainty grip him; his voice wavering, he adds, ] You are free.
[The touch is familiar, and for a moment Fitz's fingers ghost against the skin of Klaus' forearm. But then there's something that's snapped back in place, a part of him he hadn't realized was even stretched. And then he pulls his arm away and out of reach, hand balling into a trembling fist.
There's a sensation that he's come to associate with waking up the day after an event. After a life is overwritten, there's a moment of disorientation. Memories conflict and compete, until the false impulses recede and leave naked understanding in their wake.
He maintains eye contact, though. He stares at Klaus, as he remembers the first time. He'd been so relieved that he finally had a friend who saw him as something more than mere utility, only for Klaus to reveal himself to be just as selfish as the others. Klaus hadn't wanted a friend. He wanted a happy worker. And then again, when Fitz was struggling to understand the violence inherent in Klaus' nature, again the decision was made for him.
He maintains the eye contact that had been so warm and inviting before, staring deeply into pupils that no longer welcome him. Sorrow speaks plainly in his expression. His mouth trembles, eyes welling enough to whine wetly without spilling over.
But there's no anger, even though there ought to be. There isn't any shouting or accusations strewn about. He doesn't vow vengeance or try to fight. Perhaps worst of all, he wonders if perhaps he shouldn't have prepared for this. This is what friends do. It's certainly what Daisy's done, just a few days ago.
But still he stares, mute. What is there to say? There aren't any words left.
Confessions are for friends. There are no safe spaces here.]
[ klaus is accustomed to anger. he knows it like an old friend; like an old poison that's taken deep roots inside of him, burning and becoming a part in his veins. he speaks it in violence and terrors and deals it in spades. his anger is unending, but it is not quiet. it is not in the silent horror in his friend's eyes, as gentle and unsteady as the touch of his fingertips as he pulled away.
(lucifer punished him with blows. he made what treachery and betrayal there was between them hurt; he made it a reminder.
leo's silence chokes him.)
there are no words to say but in the reticence of them, klaus knows he owes more. he swallows and shifts, the round and terrified vulnerability of his eyes dropping to the floor. ] I have a daughter, [ he starts, and there are tears welling in his eyes, his empty hands wringing. there's a fierceness, thick and pleading in his voice. ] A child no older than two who has inherited my enemies and with them the consequences of my sins. [ he wants fitz to understand. he needs him to, but he knows just how undeserved that is. ] In my desperation to return, to protect her... [ his lashes flutter and he seeks leo's gaze, his own open with this truth: ] to hold you as a friend... I violated your trust, and for that I am sorry.
[He ought to acknowledge the confession, or at least express surprise to learn that Klaus is a father. He had been under the impression that those like him are sterile somehow. But perhaps that's a story for another time.
He breaks his gaze and pushes his chair away from his desk enough to allow room for him to pull a trinket from the topmost drawer. He slides it across the desk, assuming Klaus will catch it once it reaches him properly. It's obvious identification of sorts, with a brass eagle embedded into the lowermost half.]
Agent Leopold Fitz of the United States Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. [He pauses, bitterly.] Thought it fair, given that we're sharing secrets today.
[ he does catch it, despite the wordless reaction he could not expect. his hand lifts to stop the badge a moment before it tumbles off the edge. it's weighty in his hands, a heavier burden and promise than he might have thought his friend would take on: a blind and loyal to allegiance to country. his thumb traces the side of the brass eagle with some contemplation. there is no way he could have known this well-hidden secret, though he can't help but wince with ironic humor, chastising himself for never suspecting. ] Well, I can't say I'm surprised.
[ he shouldn't be. klaus looks to fitz in new light. all there is between them now is new light, illuminating what was once dark between them. ]
[Klaus is half right. While he is indeed loyal beyond all earthly reason, he suffers no blindness. He's seen entirely too much already. He's seen this very thing happen.]
We work to help people like yourself, who are different and persecuted for those differences. But at the same time, Klaus, we work to protect those who would be harmed by people like yourself.
[He turns his head to regard Klaus with a stare that reaches a thousand miles farther.]
Who else have you hurt, Klaus? How many people are you putting in danger?
If you mean to threaten me, I can assure you it won't end well for you. [ the response is leveled evenly rather than with threat. no matter how devoid of menace it is, it is a sure and unmistakable warning. those that stand against him and his family do not have pleasant fates. it's not a promise he could enjoy giving, not anymore.
and not to fitz; that "you" rends at his insides.
but he'll answer. ] I've hurt more people than you could possibly conceive. [ there is a thousand years of blood on his hands, but he will not answer for that blood to a friend nor to any authority he places above him. klaus glances away and back to leo. ] But no one here. [ no one but him. ]
[ whatever his friend may fear, klaus would take no pleasure and every step and word and plea to avoid it. he does not want to stand on opposite sides from his friend. he does not want there to be opposite sides, but neither can he parse what is true.
what is real, about him. that is entirely what drove them to this point: his own vulnerable, ruthless heart, torn into pieces by its loyalties. all he can truly be is loyal to himself, to the goodness rather than the darkness that others might see in him, and for his daughter. he wishes here and now could be so simple; that this could be so simple. he could wish this all away with a few words, but he won't.
he doesn't. he cannot forsake leo. nor himself and nor those who would believe better of him. ] You think I don't want to? [ the question is spoken softly, the calm before the storm. ] That the ease in which I could fix this... [ his shoulders shake and his eyes look away to some faraway point. ] Guard myself and my family [ he looks up again ] Guard you... from me...
Nothing has changed. I just want to do right. [ he wants, as he's always wanted, to be accepted as he is and he knows he is bared now. ]
[The struggle is visible in Klaus' demeanor. It would be nice to be able to believe it. But Fitz can recognize patterns well enough to remain on guard. This could still go so terribly. Such mannerisms can be easily studied and replicated. It feels too much like Ward.]
The last time someone apologized to me for manipulating my emotions, it was in the middle of staging a coup. The time before that, one of my closest friends sent Jemma and me to the bottom of an ocean and left us there to die. They were both sorry, too. You'll forgive me if I'm a bit hesitant to accept that this, too, was in my best interests.
One imagines that the lore is useless. [Angel's confirmed at much, at least.] If you want to guard me from your next lack of impulse control, you can start by being honest about due recourse. If not garlic and religious trinkets, then what?
[There must be something. Cami seemed confident enough that she's no longer at risk for compulsion.]
[ leo does not bend nor give nor even accept. this is not startling but it does score, deeply and harshly and right where he expects it is deserved. the vulnerability fades in his features but not for hardness, no; it is in decision and the steel in that, in assent of his contriteness, and respect for fitz's rightful poise and clever demands.
(he has known since the beginning that leo has experienced betrayals, that he is singularly tormented by their terrors and klaus would know.
betrayal will hound your steps long after it's done its deed. he wishes it were not so. he wishes leo had not known the anguish from the list he recites. he wishes he did not add to it.)
klaus is a strategist and even in this moment, knowing that no sentiments and only actions might even begin to prove his intentions, he considers what moves might be made against him with this knowledge. no doubt leopold is capable. no doubt it's what he, klaus, would've done not a few months ago: exact vengeance.
(what leo cannot do is harm him or his family permanently, is what he decides. not with this. what's more, he deserves to hear it.) klaus pushes himself out of his seat. ]
Besides sunlight, fire, wood, and decapitation, none of which will fell me or my siblings— [ as original beings, that is; fitz knows the basics of his origins. with a few strides to the nearest closest, klaus sticks his hand in.
his skin burns. it sears and crackles, but klaus does not flinch. he merely pulls out a handful of plants, crushed in his fist. he moves back to the desk and drops vibrant blue sprigs over fitz's notes. ]
—vervain will keep you safe from compulsion. [ he drops the rest of the purple flowers beside the vervain. his hand, reddened and marred, heals within an instant. ] Wolfsbane will keep you safe from me, [ almost as an afterthought he adds, ] and other wolves.
[He studies the way Klaus' hand burns and heals in moments. His healing ability is another in a long list of scientific curiosities Fitz had been meaning to discuss during their talks. They'd had so many talks, hadn't they? He'd been foolish and let his guard down. He's always foolish in that way. It's because he's stupid.
He accepts the plants quickly, as if he suspects Klaus might snatch them back. Is this a game? What if he's just being toyed with?]
The chemical composition is an irritant to you. Most likely an agent of the pollen or nectar. [He'll need to bring the samples to Jemma for analysis.] [His brows knit together as he considers the implications for strengthening neural fortitude.] Does it need to be ingested to be effective against compulsion?
[He pauses for a moment then, and doubles back to earlier in the explanation.]
And do you genuinely think I'd try to decapitate you? I'm not a monster, Klaus.
[ they have had many talks. talks not unlike this one: facts dealt by klaus with the surety of time and experience and fitz with the quaintness of his scientific queries and hypotheses. klaus cannot help it; even staring at the plants and then the bushel of blue and purple in leo's hands, he fights a smile. at another time with tea and the comfort of companionship between them, he might tease it is not pollen nor nectar that harms him but the simple and seeking balance of magics and nature.
it's inexplicable, no matter what answers he finds.
now, however, there is this. the ghost of his smile falls and dies and he avoids fitz's eyes. he cannot comprehend the question of whether he would believe leo might plot against him; he does not immediately seek to answer it.
(he does think it. he has experienced and brought on worse. leopold is not a monster, but he is.) with a slight, shuddering breath, he answers the original question, ] You can keep it on your person but it's wiser to ingest. It can't be taken from you.
[ the last is added on a lower note: because a vampire would, if they were so inclined. he certainly has and he doesn't want leo to not be protected, to not be able to buy himself time, if need be. he wants to protect leo from him. klaus turns away, the agitation of his emotions stirred, sadness and paranoia and bitterness mixing into a poisonous elixir.
after a few steps, he turns back. ] I don't know what to believe. [ just as leo doesn't. ]I am a monster, [ just as leo isn't ] and I know what poison a betrayal is. [ he knows what lengths they will drive even the purist person to go. ]
[The hair on the back of his neck rises when Klaus shifts his tone to a remorseful rumble. It makes him aware of the food chain and his status as prey. But though Klaus has seen him in the depths of his weakness, twitchy and easily frightened, he is almost uncharacteristically still now. In this, the breach of trust is most evident. Visible fear is a luxury not always available.]
[ visible fear isn't, but klaus need not see the unbridled and unguarded effects to know and feel its presence. to sense it. there is plenty to read in fitz's stillness, the beat of his heart, the scent of his sweat, and klaus' knowledge of him: fear, anger, pain. perhaps even shame, knowing he has been betrayed again.
that is all klaus feels as well, for his own reasons. he blinks at the unexpected question, the needle into the particulars. his breath is shaky as he pulls it in through his nose. he wonders, again, if this is a ploy to exploit secrets from him and not only intrigue and need for information.
perhaps it's a mix of intrigue and the lashing of pain both; klaus cannot imagine leo doesn't know the sharing of such personal details wears on him. perhaps he wants him to fear as well. ] Hope.
[ there is no rebuttal, no argument. what klaus owes fitz is the truth. with another and at a different time in his life he might do both: he might claim many if not all of his deeds are irredeemable. he might claim he has no interest nor remorse in so many of them, that despite his atrocities he carries no guilt and would do them all again if it led him here. he cannot change the past. he might mention elijah and parse what redemption could possibly mean and how he has never truly had the faith his family might've and still does.
it would not be a lie, but neither would it be the truth. the moment he heard his daughter's heartbeat, the moment he held that little girl in his arms, all he has ever wanted was to be worthy of her.
his voice strained and full, weighted under the truth he has only admitted to himself, he answers, ] Yes.
[ It's just a syllable, but a powerful one. The admission tells more
about the nature of Klaus' character than any other form of interrogation
might. It simplifies a number of complexities. ]
You called yourself a monster before. Monsters don't seek redemption.
[ That's as simple as it needs to be. Case closed. QED. ]
[ he's right, but it does not change what he is. it does not change the past or the uncertainty and mistakes; the choices and decisions of the present or the future. he may not be as monstrous as he was then, but he is still a monster now. he would still do terrible things; he knows he will. and he cannot change the past.
but the words touch him regardless; they worm inside and create bittersweet anguish where there had only been strained grief. they give him hope or at least the grateful opportunity to be redeemed in leo's eyes. klaus tempers it and moves forward a few paces. ] Yes, but monsters do what I have done, [ he means more than now ] and I have not seen a reason to seek redemption in centuries.
[ and that is the truth, but it is not the whole truth. ] But I meant it. [ that day in the kitchens. that bloody afternoon in the hut. this is the vulnerable secret he so rarely parts with, that even in his cruelty and machinations, what he truly wants is to be worthy of what he forces to be so. ] I meant for you to be safe with me. I meant to protect you when no one else would. I meant to be your friend. [ klaus works past the lump in his throat, weathers the fullness of feeling in his eyes, and offers leo his badge. ] I hope one day you can forgive me.
[He accepts the badge quietly, and takes a moment to return it to his place squirreled away. He breaks line of sight to do so, an unspoken gesture of trust. If Klaus would mean to do him harm, he would have done it already.]
Seems a rite of passage, that. I can't seem to manage any friendships that don't end up here in the end.
[Even Jemma betrayed him, once upon a time. He invites the pain.]
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Oh yes, we had the most interesting chat about what she knows from an outsider's perspective. She's got quite a lot of opinions about the compulsion issue -- shame about what was done to her, though.
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klaus moves forward and wordlessly takes the seat beside the desk, his fingers reaching to take his friend's wrist to draw his eyes. his pupils dilate and he says the words that will release him. ] My compulsions will have effect on you no longer. [ fear and relief and uncertainty grip him; his voice wavering, he adds, ] You are free.
no subject
There's a sensation that he's come to associate with waking up the day after an event. After a life is overwritten, there's a moment of disorientation. Memories conflict and compete, until the false impulses recede and leave naked understanding in their wake.
He maintains eye contact, though. He stares at Klaus, as he remembers the first time. He'd been so relieved that he finally had a friend who saw him as something more than mere utility, only for Klaus to reveal himself to be just as selfish as the others. Klaus hadn't wanted a friend. He wanted a happy worker. And then again, when Fitz was struggling to understand the violence inherent in Klaus' nature, again the decision was made for him.
He maintains the eye contact that had been so warm and inviting before, staring deeply into pupils that no longer welcome him. Sorrow speaks plainly in his expression. His mouth trembles, eyes welling enough to whine wetly without spilling over.
But there's no anger, even though there ought to be. There isn't any shouting or accusations strewn about. He doesn't vow vengeance or try to fight. Perhaps worst of all, he wonders if perhaps he shouldn't have prepared for this. This is what friends do. It's certainly what Daisy's done, just a few days ago.
But still he stares, mute. What is there to say? There aren't any words left.
Confessions are for friends. There are no safe spaces here.]
no subject
(lucifer punished him with blows. he made what treachery and betrayal there was between them hurt; he made it a reminder.
leo's silence chokes him.)
there are no words to say but in the reticence of them, klaus knows he owes more. he swallows and shifts, the round and terrified vulnerability of his eyes dropping to the floor. ] I have a daughter, [ he starts, and there are tears welling in his eyes, his empty hands wringing. there's a fierceness, thick and pleading in his voice. ] A child no older than two who has inherited my enemies and with them the consequences of my sins. [ he wants fitz to understand. he needs him to, but he knows just how undeserved that is. ] In my desperation to return, to protect her... [ his lashes flutter and he seeks leo's gaze, his own open with this truth: ] to hold you as a friend... I violated your trust, and for that I am sorry.
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He breaks his gaze and pushes his chair away from his desk enough to allow room for him to pull a trinket from the topmost drawer. He slides it across the desk, assuming Klaus will catch it once it reaches him properly. It's obvious identification of sorts, with a brass eagle embedded into the lowermost half.]
Agent Leopold Fitz of the United States Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. [He pauses, bitterly.] Thought it fair, given that we're sharing secrets today.
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[ he shouldn't be. klaus looks to fitz in new light. all there is between them now is new light, illuminating what was once dark between them. ]
You have always been selfless.
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We work to help people like yourself, who are different and persecuted for those differences. But at the same time, Klaus, we work to protect those who would be harmed by people like yourself.
[He turns his head to regard Klaus with a stare that reaches a thousand miles farther.]
Who else have you hurt, Klaus? How many people are you putting in danger?
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and not to fitz; that "you" rends at his insides.
but he'll answer. ] I've hurt more people than you could possibly conceive. [ there is a thousand years of blood on his hands, but he will not answer for that blood to a friend nor to any authority he places above him. klaus glances away and back to leo. ] But no one here. [ no one but him. ]
no subject
Then why bother apologizing at all? You could erase every bit of this conversation if you wanted. What's changed?
[Aside from everything.]
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what is real, about him. that is entirely what drove them to this point: his own vulnerable, ruthless heart, torn into pieces by its loyalties. all he can truly be is loyal to himself, to the goodness rather than the darkness that others might see in him, and for his daughter. he wishes here and now could be so simple; that this could be so simple. he could wish this all away with a few words, but he won't.
he doesn't. he cannot forsake leo. nor himself and nor those who would believe better of him. ] You think I don't want to? [ the question is spoken softly, the calm before the storm. ] That the ease in which I could fix this... [ his shoulders shake and his eyes look away to some faraway point. ] Guard myself and my family [ he looks up again ] Guard you... from me...
Nothing has changed. I just want to do right. [ he wants, as he's always wanted, to be accepted as he is and he knows he is bared now. ]
no subject
The last time someone apologized to me for manipulating my emotions, it was in the middle of staging a coup. The time before that, one of my closest friends sent Jemma and me to the bottom of an ocean and left us there to die. They were both sorry, too. You'll forgive me if I'm a bit hesitant to accept that this, too, was in my best interests.
One imagines that the lore is useless. [Angel's confirmed at much, at least.] If you want to guard me from your next lack of impulse control, you can start by being honest about due recourse. If not garlic and religious trinkets, then what?
[There must be something. Cami seemed confident enough that she's no longer at risk for compulsion.]
no subject
(he has known since the beginning that leo has experienced betrayals, that he is singularly tormented by their terrors and klaus would know.
betrayal will hound your steps long after it's done its deed. he wishes it were not so. he wishes leo had not known the anguish from the list he recites. he wishes he did not add to it.)
klaus is a strategist and even in this moment, knowing that no sentiments and only actions might even begin to prove his intentions, he considers what moves might be made against him with this knowledge. no doubt leopold is capable. no doubt it's what he, klaus, would've done not a few months ago: exact vengeance.
(what leo cannot do is harm him or his family permanently, is what he decides. not with this. what's more, he deserves to hear it.) klaus pushes himself out of his seat. ]
Besides sunlight, fire, wood, and decapitation, none of which will fell me or my siblings— [ as original beings, that is; fitz knows the basics of his origins. with a few strides to the nearest closest, klaus sticks his hand in.
his skin burns. it sears and crackles, but klaus does not flinch. he merely pulls out a handful of plants, crushed in his fist. he moves back to the desk and drops vibrant blue sprigs over fitz's notes. ]
—vervain will keep you safe from compulsion. [ he drops the rest of the purple flowers beside the vervain. his hand, reddened and marred, heals within an instant. ] Wolfsbane will keep you safe from me, [ almost as an afterthought he adds, ] and other wolves.
no subject
He accepts the plants quickly, as if he suspects Klaus might snatch them back. Is this a game? What if he's just being toyed with?]
The chemical composition is an irritant to you. Most likely an agent of the pollen or nectar. [He'll need to bring the samples to Jemma for analysis.] [His brows knit together as he considers the implications for strengthening neural fortitude.] Does it need to be ingested to be effective against compulsion?
[He pauses for a moment then, and doubles back to earlier in the explanation.]
And do you genuinely think I'd try to decapitate you? I'm not a monster, Klaus.
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it's inexplicable, no matter what answers he finds.
now, however, there is this. the ghost of his smile falls and dies and he avoids fitz's eyes. he cannot comprehend the question of whether he would believe leo might plot against him; he does not immediately seek to answer it.
(he does think it. he has experienced and brought on worse. leopold is not a monster, but he is.) with a slight, shuddering breath, he answers the original question, ] You can keep it on your person but it's wiser to ingest. It can't be taken from you.
[ the last is added on a lower note: because a vampire would, if they were so inclined. he certainly has and he doesn't want leo to not be protected, to not be able to buy himself time, if need be. he wants to protect leo from him. klaus turns away, the agitation of his emotions stirred, sadness and paranoia and bitterness mixing into a poisonous elixir.
after a few steps, he turns back. ] I don't know what to believe. [ just as leo doesn't. ] I am a monster, [ just as leo isn't ] and I know what poison a betrayal is. [ he knows what lengths they will drive even the purist person to go. ]
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[The hair on the back of his neck rises when Klaus shifts his tone to a remorseful rumble. It makes him aware of the food chain and his status as prey. But though Klaus has seen him in the depths of his weakness, twitchy and easily frightened, he is almost uncharacteristically still now. In this, the breach of trust is most evident. Visible fear is a luxury not always available.]
Your daughter. She has a name, yeah?
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that is all klaus feels as well, for his own reasons. he blinks at the unexpected question, the needle into the particulars. his breath is shaky as he pulls it in through his nose. he wonders, again, if this is a ploy to exploit secrets from him and not only intrigue and need for information.
perhaps it's a mix of intrigue and the lashing of pain both; klaus cannot imagine leo doesn't know the sharing of such personal details wears on him. perhaps he wants him to fear as well. ] Hope.
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[ He pulls the edge of his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on the tender skin just short of drawing blood from it. ]
Because she's yours. You hope to be redeemed through her.
[ it's stated gently, with unspoken room for rebuttal if his theories prove invalid. ]
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it would not be a lie, but neither would it be the truth. the moment he heard his daughter's heartbeat, the moment he held that little girl in his arms, all he has ever wanted was to be worthy of her.
his voice strained and full, weighted under the truth he has only admitted to himself, he answers, ] Yes.
no subject
[ It's just a syllable, but a powerful one. The admission tells more about the nature of Klaus' character than any other form of interrogation might. It simplifies a number of complexities. ]
You called yourself a monster before. Monsters don't seek redemption.
[ That's as simple as it needs to be. Case closed. QED. ]
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but the words touch him regardless; they worm inside and create bittersweet anguish where there had only been strained grief. they give him hope or at least the grateful opportunity to be redeemed in leo's eyes. klaus tempers it and moves forward a few paces. ] Yes, but monsters do what I have done, [ he means more than now ] and I have not seen a reason to seek redemption in centuries.
[ and that is the truth, but it is not the whole truth. ] But I meant it. [ that day in the kitchens. that bloody afternoon in the hut. this is the vulnerable secret he so rarely parts with, that even in his cruelty and machinations, what he truly wants is to be worthy of what he forces to be so. ] I meant for you to be safe with me. I meant to protect you when no one else would. I meant to be your friend. [ klaus works past the lump in his throat, weathers the fullness of feeling in his eyes, and offers leo his badge. ] I hope one day you can forgive me.
no subject
Seems a rite of passage, that. I can't seem to manage any friendships that don't end up here in the end.
[Even Jemma betrayed him, once upon a time. He invites the pain.]
I think I need a bit of time. If you don't mind.